How to Talk to a Child About Difficult Topics

Your children are growing up, and part of growing up means confronting the complexities and difficulties of life. As a parent, guardian, or other authority figure in a child’s life, you’ll eventually have to break some bad news or address difficult topics with that child.

But how exactly do you talk to a child about difficult, complicated topics that even adults typically struggle with?

Examples of Difficult Topics

There are many types of difficult topics that fall into a similar category. You might have to break some bad news to your child, such as explaining that you’ve been diagnosed with mesothelioma or a disease with a similarly bad prognosis. You might have to explain a difficult concept, like death itself. Or you might have to confront problematic and uncomfortable behaviors with your child, such as substance abuse.

These are all challenging topics to discuss with children because they don’t have the life experience or maturity necessary to understand all the elements of them that adults understand. They’re also challenging because they may involve heavy emotional weight – and because you may not even know where to begin with some of these topics.

Effective Strategies on How to Talk to a Child About Difficult Topics

So what strategies can you utilize to make things a little easier?

● Choose the right time and setting. First and foremost, it’s important to choose the right time and the right setting. If you’re driving your child to school, and you only have a few minutes for a brief conversation, it’s not the right time to bring up something heavy and intensive. Similarly, you may want to have the conversation in a private, quiet place. Consider talking to your child when you both have ample time – and in their room, where they may feel the most comfortable.

● Acknowledge their age. A child’s understanding of complex topics, like death, depends heavily on their age and what they’ve learned about life so far. For example, a 5-year-old isn’t going to be able to understand death the way a 15-year-old will. Depending on their age, you may have to soften your language, make different vocabulary choices, or rely more heavily on figurative language to get your point across. There may also be certain elements of the topic that you want to leave out.

● Talk to them like an adult. At the same time, it is a good idea to talk to your child as if they are an adult. That doesn’t mean stepping up your vocabulary or assuming greater maturity than they actually have; instead, it means talking to them in a way that respects their own thoughts, feelings, and personal autonomy. This is going to make your child much more comfortable and prevent the conversation from seeming condescending or alienating.

● Try to be direct and to the point. Children often learn best when you talk to them in a way that’s direct and to the point. Too often, adults try to beat around the bush or talk around the subject to get some points across without being explicit about the subject material. However, this is usually counterproductive. Don’t be afraid to be blunt when explaining topics, as long as you do so with consideration for emotions.

● Be aware of your own emotions. Speaking of emotions, make sure you’re aware of your own emotions and that you try your best to control them. Hysterically sobbing as you try to explain some bad news is only going to make it seem more devastating and harder to handle. Similarly, it’s fine to be mad at your child for problematic behavior, but you need to be able to distance yourself from that anger if you want to have an effective conversation with them about the behavior. Openly acknowledge what you’re feeling, but try not to let those feelings take over the conversation.

● Actively listen. Conversations with children are as much about listening as they are about talking. Make sure to give your child plenty of space to express their own thoughts, feelings, and points of confusion, and verify your understanding of what’s going on in their mind. It’s going to make them feel heard and supported – and it will aid you in finding the right language to talk to them.

● Acknowledge and work through their emotions. Make sure you also acknowledge that your children are capable of having their own unique feelings. Ask them about how they feel and encourage them to use precise words to describe those feelings. You can also give them coping strategies and help them process and manage their emotions in a healthy way.

● Use metaphors sparingly. Metaphors, analogies, and comparisons are useful tools in communicating complex ideas to your children. However, you should use these tools sparingly, as they can add unnecessary complications to an already difficult topic – and lead to misunderstandings.

● Be available for questions. Finally, be available for questions. It may take some time for your children to process everything, and once they spend more time thinking about it, they may have further lines of inquiry.

These strategies won’t make your discomfort vanish, nor will they guarantee that your child will fully understand everything that you want to share with them. However, they do give you more control over the situation, and they can increase the likelihood that your child will understand and accept what’s going on.