How to Talk to a Child About Difficult Topics

Your children are growing up, and the entrance to maturity means they will face many of the complexities and tough issues of life. As a parent, guardian, or other authority figure for a child, there will come a time when you need to break some bad news to that child or otherwise discuss very difficult topics with them.

But how do you talk with a child about difficult, complicated topics that even adults typically have trouble addressing?

Examples of Difficult Topics

There are many topics that will be quite a bit harder to discuss which fit into this category. You might have to break some bad news to your child, such as explaining that you’ve been diagnosed with mesothelioma or a disease with a similarly bad prognosis. You could have to explain death itself, which is often a very hard concept. Or worse yet, you could be faced with having to discuss problematic and uncomfortable behaviors on the part of your child, such as substance abuse.

All these topics are hard to communicate with children because children do not have the experience of life or maturity that would equip them in understanding all the components adults understand as they pertain to those issues. They are also hard because they can carry a heavy emotional weight, and you mightn’t even know where to start with some of these topics.

Effective Strategies on How to Talk to a Child About Difficult Topics

So how can you use the following tactics to make things a little better?

● Choose the right time and setting. First off, choose the right time and the right setting. If you are driving your child to school and you only have a few minutes for a brief conversation, it is not the right time to raise something heavy and intensive. For instance, you may need to discuss in a private setting at a quiet place. You can talk to your child when there’s ample time for both of you, then talk to them in their room, where they may be most comfortable.

● Acknowledge their age. The way a child could comprehend complex matters such as death is strongly influenced by his or her age and what that child learned thus far regarding life. For instance, a 5-year-old is not going to understand death in the same way that a 15-year-old will. Depending upon age, you may need to mellow your terminology, use different words, or use more metaphor and simile to make what you are saying come alive for your audience. There could be parts of the topic that you want to exclude from the discussion.

● Talk to them like an adult. At the same time, it is good to talk to your child like an adult. That does not mean you have to inflate your vocabulary and talk on a level above their maturity; instead, it’s talking to them in a way that respects their own thoughts, feelings, and personal autonomy. This will make your child a lot easier to be around, and you are less likely to sound condescending or alienating.

● Try to be direct and to the point. Children pick up better when you are speaking in a clear manner, to the point, and direct. Adults too often try to beat around the bush, to talk around the subject, as if to get some point across without putting your finger on the subject material. But very often this is counterproductive. Don’t be afraid to be blunt when explaining topics, as long as you do so with consideration for emotions.

● Be aware of your own emotions. Of emotions, take care of your own and do your best at managing them. Sobbing hysterically while trying to convey some bad news will only make it sound more gloomy and unbearable. And, for sure, it is all right to feel angry at your child about problematic behavior, but be able to step away from the anger if you want a real conversation with him about the behavior. Openly acknowledge what you feel, but don’t let those feelings dominate the conversation.

● Actively listen. Conversations with children are as much about listening as they are about talking. Make sure to give your child plenty of space to express their own thoughts, feelings, and points of confusion, and verify your understanding of what’s going on in their mind. It’s going to make them feel heard and supported – and it will aid you in finding the right language to talk to them.

● Acknowledge and work through their emotions. Other solutions include acknowledgment and work-through of emotions. Acknowledge the fact that, indeed, your children have different feelings about the same issue. Ask them about their feelings and encourage them to come up with precise words describing those feelings. You can give your kids coping strategies, and help them know how to process and manage emotions healthily as well.

● Use metaphors sparingly. Metaphors, analogies, and comparisons are good tools for illustrating complex ideas for children. Use these tools sparingly, however. They add unnecessary complications to an already difficult topic-and often lead to misunderstandings.

● Be available for questions. Finally, be open to questions. It takes time for your children to mull over everything you have said and then, having been given time to think about it, they may have more lines of questioning.

Such strategies do not erase your discomfort and certainly do not guarantee that your child will understand everything you have to say. They do, however, provide you with a sense of control over the events and may increase the chances that your child will understand and find acceptable what is happening.