Why You Shouldn’t Try to Negotiate Shared Child Custody Without a Lawyer

There’s a reason family law attorneys don’t advise that anyone work with their ex-partner directly to come up with a plan for sharing custody of a child. While there are exceptions, it doesn’t usually work.

Custody battles typically happen at the height of the relationship falling apart. At this time, both partners are often too emotional and easily triggered to work together and do what’s best for their child.

If you’ve been thinking about working out a co-parenting plan for sharing custody with your ex, here are all the reasons you should go straight to a family law attorney instead.

1. A verbal agreement is hard to enforce

While it’s true that verbal agreements are enforceable just like written contracts, it’s not easy. If you create a verbal agreement with your ex regarding how you’ll share custody of your child, and they stop meeting their obligations, you’ll have to convince a judge that you had a specific agreement in the first place.

Unfortunately, while judges are supposed to be impartial, many tend to favor and side with the mother even when they’re in the wrong. If you’re the father, and you have a verbal agreement with someone who is unreliable, it’s in your best interest to get a court order for sharing custody as soon as possible.

2. The absence of legal consequences will make things hard

If you manage to create a co-parenting agreement with your ex, that doesn’t mean they’re going to honor their end of the deal. For example, they might call you last minute to tell you they can’t pick your child up from school. Needing to change plans once in a while is normal, but as many divorced parents find out, this often becomes the norm.

When you don’t have an official court order handed down by a judge that establishes each parent’s responsibilities, having an ex who constantly bails on their duties is extremely difficult to remedy. Without any legal consequences, they’ll have no reason to make more of an effort.

If this happens to you, all you can do is get a family lawyer to help you establish an official shared custody plan in a court of law. That’s why it’s wise to get a lawyer from the start – you can skip all the drama and inconvenience in-between.

3. Child custody battles are stressful

Custody battles take a lot of emotional energy. There’s no guarantee your ex-partner will work with you amicably, but when you have an attorney, you won’t have to deal with them directly most of the time.

With limited exceptions, you won’t need to hash out the details with your ex throughout the process. However, you will need to appear in court with them, which can be extremely stressful. At this stage, your attorney can help you stay calm and respectful in the courtroom.

4. Going to court on your own will be difficult

Family law attorneys are experts who have the experience necessary to help parents establish a workable plan for sharing custody of their children after a divorce. This isn’t something easily done without expertise.

Since judges have a lot on their plate, they’re not going to give as much attention to the specifics of your case as they should. The nuanced details that can make a huge difference for you as a parent are likely to be overlooked, and if you don’t present this information in a specific way, the judge won’t listen. However, when you hire a lawyer, they’ll be sure to bring up all the important issues that need to be considered in your case.

5. You might not know your options

Custody doesn’t need to be split 50/50, and in most cases, that’s not ideal for the child. There are a variety of options for shared custody, and a lawyer can help you figure out what type of plan will work best for all.

Another example is creating a plan based on your finances. Let’s say you’d like your ex to take your child M-F simply because you don’t have enough income to support their needs. Outside of a court order, you might not be able to convince your ex to go along with this plan. However, a lawyer can help you get what you need. You may even end up getting more child support in the process.

A lawyer will help your child

Don’t try to work out custody on your own. There’s no guarantee you and your ex will agree on a plan that works for your child. Hiring a family lawyer is the best way to prioritize your child’s best interests.